In My Thoughts
by Rinounafan
Summary: Squall finds himself thinking of someone too much. But is she thinking of him? Squinoa; Squall POV *Contains adult themes*


**This one was a bit of a dare from one of my closest friends who was quite unhappy with the recent chapter on WoT's lemon. Sorry, I hope you like this one a bit better! And of course I hope you other readers like it, too. XD If all goes well I might do more one shots.**

**This is from Squall's POV, and it's something I always wondered about him. It takes place after Squall becomes a Commander, but before Trabia Garden.**

**FF8 belongs to Square....sadly....T.T**

* * *

**In My Thoughts**

In the late hours of a lovely Saturday, Balamb Garden's students had begun to retire to the dorms, the library, or in some cases, the Training Center. One such person was BalambGarden's very own (and recently appointed) Commander, Squall Leonhart. After dinner in which he and his comrades shared a few laughs, Squall went to his room. But as usual, when he has nothing to do, he starts to think too much. And he hated thinking. Earlier that week Rinoa had mentioned something that kept bothering him.

When Selphie, Zell and Irvine had returned from the Missile Base in FH, Squall had let his emotions out; he had visibly looked happy to see the three of them again. It didn't strike to him as odd, he IS a human after all, he has feelings like everyone else. But the fact that he acted on them, as little as it was, bothered him. And then when he spoke to Rinoa, she said something that really got him thinking.

"_Of course you're happy to see them! They're your comrades, but moreover they're your friends!"_

_**Friends...? Is that what these guys are to me? Friends?**_

Squall hadn't realized until that point that he was becoming rather attached to all of them. And that was unacceptable. When and how could he have let that happen? He knew very well what the out come would be if they decided one day to go their own ways. He'd be left alone, no one would be there anymore. Squall shook his head.

**_Why should it matter to me if they leave? They can do whatever the hell they want. _**

Squall looked at his room. It was gloomy, empty, and lacked life. His walls were a simple shade of white, the bed was neat and organized. There was nothing out of place, not even a stray hair on his comb. His room represented him perfectly, that's how it was, and how it should always be. Squall picked up his massive Gunblade and marched over to the Training Center and clear his mind off. But apparently Hyne was against him, as not even a single Grat was in sight. Squall frowned as he walked around for a bit, but much to his annoyance not a single monster was lurking about.

He sighed angrily and his mind set to working again. **_I don't know what's going on with me...Why am I so dammed concerned about those guys? Rinoa was wrong; they're not my friends, I'm not meant to have any. _**But then again, he really did enjoy their company. Each one of them was unique in their own way, and he really appreciated them. Squall then remembered the concert in FH and how talking to Rinoa made him feel at ease. How she would just smile and he would feel himself relax around her. She obviously considered herself Squall's friend, even if lately she had been sending him mixed signals. She was seeing him in a whole new light, and Squall wasn't sure that he wanted to be seen in any light.

"I knew you'd be here." Said a clear and gentle voice that Squall knew too well.

He turned around to find Rinoa standing at the small bridge before the Secret area. She had her Blaster Edge on her left arm, but she was only wearing her black tank top and biker shorts. She smiled at him and he merely nodded. Rinoa was used to his non-verbal responses, but sometimes she wished he'd say 'hi'. She walked up to him so that his nose was suddenly attacked by her scent of vanilla and lavender. He could feel his muscles slowly unwind, the tension in them slowly leaving.

"It's pretty empty." Rinoa said as she walked closer to him. "There's usually a crap load of Grats and Bite Bugs. Where'd they all go?"

"No clue." Squall said thruthfully. He then walked past the Secret Area with Rinoa right behind him, looking right at him. He averted his eyes quickly, as he felt that her deep chocolate brown orbs were looking straight into his soul. She had no idea of how much her eyes affected him. They made him feel calm, tranquil, and if he was being honest with himself, he could spend hours staring into her eyes. Feeling that her gaze was still upon him stopped and sighed tiredly.

**_Can't she look at something else?_**

"Do I have something on my face?" Squall said abruptly.

Rinoa jerked her head back. "No! I just was looking!"

"Well don't." Squall snapped.

"Sor-ry." Rinoa snapped back. "Why are you so grouchy today?"

**_Why do you want know?_**

"..."

"Um, Squall?"

"..." **_Just ignore her Squall, she'll hopefully get the hint._**

"Hey, you with the scar!"

"What!?" He hissed.

"Tell me that's not a T-Rex." Squall looked over his shoulder and saw a large dinosaur walking right at them with a ferocious glare and apparently, a big appetite. The creature was drooling and scanning the other two hungrily. Rinoa moved closer to Squall and looked at him. "They're weak against Blind and Sleep Status attack, right?"

Squall nodded. "You have your junctions ready?" Rinoa nodded. "Good, if you have fire magic, use it." Squall readied his gunblade as he began to summon Ifrit. Glancing over at his side Rinoa was casting Firaga and he smirked.

Rinoamight not have had any proper military training, but she sure as hell did her best to keep up with all of them. And he respected that, she was no SeeD, but he could tell that she would make a decent one. As the fire GF appeared, Squall looked over at Rinoa who was quickly trying to junction Blind to her Valkyrie. When the dust cleared from Ifrit's attack Rinoa shot her boomerang projectile and effectively Blinded the giant dinosaur.

The monster panicked; wounded and blinded the creature began to growl in a fury as he darted for straight for Rinoa. Squall realized this and ran to her.

"WATCH OUT!!" He yelled as he pinned Rinoa on the ground as the monster ran past them into the small woods of the Center. When the thunderous footsteps subsided, Squall raised his head as the dinosaur left a cloud of dust in it's wake. Squall laid in on top of Rinoa, but not so much that he was crashing her, but rather he was shielding her. "Are you okay?"

"Uh...yeah." She replied quietly. "Squall...?"

"Mmm?" Squall looked around at their surroundings, making sure that the coast was clear.

"Could you move your hand?" Rinoa asked timidly, blushing furiously.

Squall looked down at her confusedly and then he saw it: his right hand was on her left breast. His face went scarlet as he then realized that his left hand was resting on her navel and his thigh was much too close to her femininity. He practically jumped off her, but he extended his hand to help her up.

"I uh, didn't mean to touch your, uh, breast." He said stupidly. He mentally kicked himself for not realizing that he was her boob and not her shoulder.

Rinoa dusted herself off, and smiled at him. "It's okay, you saved me anyway. Besides, you're not a perv like Irvine."

**_Oh Hyne, that smile of hers..._**Squall shook his head. **_Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with me?_**

"Whoo, that was a close one." Rinoa chuckled. "I think I had enough excitement. I'm gonna go to my room. Thanks for saving me, good night."

Rinoa waved at him as she walked away and Squall simply nodded at her again. He stood there for a few minutes before he picked up his gunblade and slowly went back to the seclusion of his room. Once inside Squall put his gunblade in its case and he sat down on his bed, running a hand through his chestnut locks. His heart was beating at an alarming rate.

**_What's wrong with me? It's not like I've never had sex before. I've touched breasts before. _**He looked at his right hand, the one that had touched her soft mound. He could feel heat coming to his face and shook his head again. He had slept with a few girls in Garden, so he knew the female anatomy quite well. Squall was experienced to a certain degree, as he preferred one-night stands. But he thought back to the moment in which he leaped off her; when he pulled his thigh from her middle, he could have sworn he heard her stifle a moan. He had not registered at the time that he was on top of her, how close and how perfectly well their bodies fit together. Her slim, curvy figure against his toned one. He could feel himself blushing as he recalled the indentations of her curves.

**_Shit, I need to stop thinking about her..._**But rather, images of her soul-searching eyes and her intoxicating smile came to him. Images of her cream-colored dress that hugged her figure perfectly came flooding his senses. **_Why can't I stop thinking about Rinoa? What is it about her?_**

It suddenly dawned on him that he never actually apologized to her.

**_Wait, it wasn't on purpose, I shouldn't have to._**

**But you still touched her inappropriately. **Another voice snapped. **What will she think of you now?**

**_Like I give a damn what the 'Princess' thinks about me. _**

**So you say, but you know that her opinion matters the most to you.**

**_But WHY?_**

**It just does.**

Squall felt like an idiot, he was arguing with himself over Rinoa. But overall, he did have to apologize, it would be rude not to. He sighed as he got off his bed and left his room, walking down the main hall to her room. He exhaled deeply before knocking on her door. To his surprise, the door was open and he frowned. "Rinoa...?"

He entered her room and immeadiately noticed the difference between his room and hers. Even though they both had the same plain white walls, there were little angel figures on the shelves and her dresser had a small arrangement of carnations and baby's breath in a corner. She had a small collection of romance novels in another shelf, most from Garden's library. Overall, the room was inviting and warm, and it smelled like vanilla and lavender, just like her. Squall noticed a doggie bed on the far corner next to the bathroom, but Rinoa's dog, Angelo, was not there. Squall walked to the bathroom and saw that the door was opened. He noticed that the mirror was fogged up, she must have showered and left. The bathroom also smelled like vanilla and lavender, and Squall's nose could not get enough of it.

**_She might be with Selphie and Quistis having one of those sleep over things. Great, I came here for nothing._**

Squall was about to leave when he heard a faint bark and a cheery laugh. Panicking, Squall ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. **_Smart move, Leonhart. If she finds you here, you're dead. _**Immeadiatley he heard Angelo sniffing around the bathroom door and began to scratch it.

**_No! Bad dog!_**

"Angelo, go to bed girl!" Rinoa called to her pooch. "It's late."

But Angelo began to whine at the door and contined to sniff at the borders. "What's wrong with you?"

**_Oh shit..._**

Rinoa was right in front f the bathroom door. He was dead, it was only a matter of seconds before Rinoa opened the door and found Squall in her bathroom.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you! I met up with Squall today!" Rinoa told her dog. Squall froze in his spot for a second. "I found him in the Training Center, by himself as always. I wonder why he likes to be alone so much. I think it'd be depressing to be by yourself so much."

Angelo gave Rinoa a weak bark as if she understood everything Rinoa said. "Anyways, we were walking around, although he didn't seem too happy to have me nearby, and guess what? A T-Rex appeared!" Angelo growled instantly. "But since Squall was there, I felt safe. I junctioned Blind to my Valkyrie and shot him straight in the eyes! But the thing went nuts and nearly killed me, but Squall moved me out of the way. Isn't he nice?" Rinoa giggled sweetly at the last part, and Squall smiled slightly.

**_Why are you smiling for? _**He snapped at himself. **_It's not like you're a hero or anything, you weren't gonna let her die._**

But Angelo turned her attention to the bathroom door again and Rinoa sighed. "Seriously, what's the bathroom done to you? Come on."

But the dog was relentless and Rinoa was getting impatient, so Rinoa decided that Angelo would sleep Selphie instead. Squall saw this as an opportunity to get out and forget this whole thing, but unfortunately for him, Rinoa called Selphie and the tiny SeeD came over to pick up the restless pooch. After Selphie had left with Angelo, there was a long period of silence and Squall wondered if Rinoa was asleep. As quietly as he could, he opened the bathroom door about an inch to find another mirror opposite him giving him a complete view of Rinoa's bed. The charismatic young woman was wearing boy navy blue shorts and a powder blue spaghetti strap with little moons and stars on it. She had a book in on her lap and a pen in her right hand. She had her hair down, though it was a bit messy, her back was on the mattress. She opened the book in her lap.

"Dear Diary, Today started out pretty slow, but things got quite interesting at the end. I met up with Squall in the Training Center today. He was by himself a always, but I decided to give him some company, even if he didn't want it. But then a T-Rex appeared. We had to fight it, but he weird thing was that it ran away, those things hardly ever run away from what I've heard. Maybe because he was burnt and blinded. Anyways, that monster came right at me bit Squall pushed me out of them way! It happened so quickly that the only I knew was that I was against the ground with Squall on top of me."

Squall watched as Rinoa blushed slightly before continuing. "He had his hand on my navel and my boob." Squall felt himself going red again. "I know it wasn't on purpose, so I won't hold it against him."

**_I really came here for nothing. Hyne knows how long it's gonna take for her to go to sleep..._**

"Although, I have to say that I liked the feel of his hands on me."

**_Wait, WHAT?_**

"And when he pulled his thigh from me, oh Hyne, he rubbed on a good spot." Rinoa said in a seductive voice that made the hairs on Squall's neck rise. "I almost moaned out loud, but I stopped myself."

**_I knew I heard it. _**

"I wonder what his hands feel like without his gloves on." Rinoa said thoughtfully as Squall looked at his hands.

_**They feel like any other pair of hands.**_

"I wonder what they would feel like on me..." Rinoa blushed as she looked at her left breast. She cupped it and Squall's eyes widened. "I wish I could feel his bare hands on my skin."

**_Holy shit...is she serious!?_**

Rinoa began to massage her own breast as Squall's eyes widened more and his cheeks burned brighter. Rinoa tossed the pen and diary aside to the bedside table. She bought her knees up higher as her now free hand dug under the covers. She let the strap of her left breast fall to her arm completely exposing her pink nipple. Squall could not believe what he was seeing; part of him kept yelling to turn around and not look, but the other part, oh it BEGGED to look, that animal instinct was slowly taking over him. Rinoa then kicked off her blankets allowing Squall to see that her other hand was inside her shorts, and he could see a wet mark in the middle.

Soon, Rinoa was moaning soflty as she continued to caress herself, but Squall had a new problem, his pants were too tight on him. He tried his hardest to look away, but every time he did, she would moan a little bit louder and his attention snapped back to her.

**_This is so wrong, I shouldn't be seeing this, I shouldn't be here at ALL. _**

"Ooh..." Rinoa's voice kept him in a trance-like state. "Aahh..."

**_I bet she's not really thinking about me. No way. It has to be someone else. _**

"Ohh, S-" Rinoa moaned a bit louder this time, but only enough for him to hear. Squall's pants were starting to hurt him, he didn't know how long he would last.

**_What was she gonna say?_** His mind screamed. **_Was she gonna say my name?_**

But Rinoa decided to remove her shirt leaving her chest exposed.

**_Oh fuck..._**Squall's mind was now pleading to go and help her, she then kicked of her shorts showing a black string bikini that didn't last long. and there she was, in the nude, pleasuring herself completely unaware that Squall was watching, absorbing every detail of her body and engraving it in his memory. He watched her hand movements and wished that it was him touching her, that he could grant her her wish of feeling his hands on her bare skin. She was working herself into a sweat, and she moved herself so that her back was against the pillows, granting Squall a better view of her femininity.

And it was the last straw, Squall could bear it no more, his pants were becoming a problem, but he undid his belts and dug his hand in there and began pleasuring himself, trying his hardest to not let out any moans.

"Ooh...!" Rinoa gasped slightly. "Hyne, S-!"

She moaned a bit louder and Squall bit his own lips to keep himself from moaning. **_She was gonna say my name...who else has a name that starts with an 'S'?_**

And then it hit him. The picture of tall, green eyes, blond entered his mind along with visions of Rinoa with the other man. **_Seifer...of course, Seifer. How could I be so stupid?_**

Squall felt his tension diminishing and his bitterness rising, as well as his anger.

**_She was gonna say Seifer. Not me. Get fucking real Leonhart, she only cares for that show-off._**

Not even Rinoa's increased moans could make Squall's foul mood dissipate. Trying his hardest not to swear out loud, Squall looked at Rinoa's reflection, she was reaching her climax, and he wasn't a part of it. He wasn't in her thoughts, and he would never be. Squall didn't know why this upset him so, it wasn't a big deal, he could just fuck some random girl in Garden later. He watched her lift her torso slightly, seeing all of her juices in their glory. And even though he shouldn't have, Squall was curious as to her taste. Even if he would never know, he was willing to bet 25,000,000gil that she tasted sweet.

"S-Squall!"

His head jerked up at the sound of his name and watched Rinoa come down from her high, panting heavily, her chest rising. She pulled up her blankets rather than dressing again, and she punched her pillow in a comfortable position and sighed contentedly. "I wonder what Squall's bare hands feel like..." Was all she said before drifting ff into her slumber.

Squall waited a good 20 minutes to make sure that she was still asleep. Slowly he opened the bathroom door and walked out as quietly as he could. He glanced back at Rinoa's sleeping form, she looked so happy, she must have been dreaming something nice. Squall smiled as he leaned in and softly kissed her forehead. He caught a waft of her sweet scent and sighed.

Before he had walked out of the room, he hear Rinoa mumble incoherently in her sleep.

"Squall..." Rinoa mumbled as he closed the door. He smirked as he walked back to his room.

* * *

"Morning!" Rinoa said happily as she walked up to the usual table that the gang sat in at the Cafeteria. "Did Angelo give you a hard time last night, Selphie?"

"Nope!" The smaller brunnette replied. "She found a spot in my room and was out before I was!"

"Huh." Rinoa said as took an apple from her tray.

"What's wrong with Angelo?" Zell chimed in while wolfing on a hot dog.

"She kept scratching my bathroom door last night." Rinoa told him. "And she kept sniffing the borders, too."

"That's odd." Quistis said. "Do you think someone might have been in there?"

Squall said nothing as he drank his coffee, and hoped that he was not blushing.

"No, I don't think so." Rinoa said reassuringly. "I was there the whole night, and nothing happened."

**_Oh no, ALOT happened. _**Squall smirked inwardly.

"Maybe it's just a dog thing." Irvine shrugged. "So like, are we gonna do something, 'cause tomorrow we leave, right?"

"Yeah, we're setting course for Trabia Garden." Squall replied.

"Hey, let's go to Balamb Town! We could go to the arcade!" Selphie suggested to which everyone (except Squall) replied with a cheer.

When everyone was finished eating breakafst, Rinoa went to put her tray away in the dirty stack and walked out as someone ran past her while carrying a tray. "Ow!"

Squall who was nearby, saw Rinoa grab her left arm. "What happened?"

"Some kid ran past me and cut me with their tray!" Rinoa told him as he looked at her now bleeding cut. "I swear, we can use those trays as weapons. I'll go to the Infirmary and get a Band-aid."

"Dr. Kadowaki has the day off." Squall told her.

"Aw, crap! I don't have any in my room." Rinoa pouted and Squall found it irresistibly cute.

"I have some in my room." Squall told her as he walked down the Dormitory Hallway with Rinoa close by. When opened the door, he motined her inside as he walked to his bathroom and pulled out his first aid kit. He handed Rinoa an alcohol swab as he took off his gloves.

"Why did you take them off?" She asked.

**_Because it's what you wanted, to feel my hands against your skin..._**

"Because my gloves will slip when I try to put on the Band-aid." He said. As Rinoa finished with the swab, Squall put on the band-aid, and to his delight, he felt the smoothness of her pale skin. He noticed how Rinoa erupted in goosebumps, no doubt, she was still thinking about last night.

When he was done he blew on it and Rinoa felt a shiver up her spine. "There." He said.

Rinoa beamed him a radiant smile that made his knees go weak. "Thanks!"

"No prob." Was his reply as he put away the kit before putting on his gloves.

"You have nice hands." she said suddenly and Squall raised an eyebrow. "They felt very soothing, you should take your gloves off more often."

Squall said nothing and he simply nodded, knowing full well where she woud like to be touched. And he too, he wanted to feel her skin against his.

* * *

**So I have some bad news for WoT readers, I have the whole story on a spiral notebook, but I left it at my friend's house and she lost it. I'm going to try my hardest to remember what the next chapter was, but since there are eight chapters left, it's gonna be hard.**

**Anyways, you know the drill, read and review!**


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